


A Novel Suitor

by DRHPaints



Category: Bill Hader - Fandom, Documentary Now - Fandom, Documentary Now! (TV 2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bill Hader - Freeform, Doc Now, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fem!Bill Hader, Femme!Bill Hader, Little Vivvy, One Shot, Other, Sandy Passage, Trans!Bill Hader, Vivvy Van Kimpton - Freeform, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:35:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25598152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: David Beauregard is a door-to-door Encyclopedia salesman, and when he comes knocking at the home of ‘Little’ Vivvy Van Kimpton, he finds himself enamored by her charm and beauty.
Relationships: Vivvy Van Kimpton/Original Male Character
Kudos: 3





	A Novel Suitor

**Author's Note:**

> I realize some folks may be uncomfortable with the portrayal of a trans-femme Bill. Please know that I, the author, am trans. I just love Bill and enjoy playing with gender. No offense is intended. Thank you to anyone who decides to read.
> 
> If you enjoy this, please leave a comment or come say hi on Tumblr at fandomtransmandom :-)

Brushing some lint from his lapel, David withdrew the keys from the ignition and stared. The house was massive. Dilapidated. With a spacious estate long-since grown over, various rubble strewn about the yard. _Old money gone to seed_. He suspected, closing the door of the convertible and grabbing his suitcase from the backseat, balancing it on the hood for a moment while he retrieved a thick book from inside and tucked it under one arm. Strolling up to the house, David straightened his lapel and smoothed a hand over his crisp, light brown hair. Throwing his shoulders back and plastering on his ‘winning smile,’ David firmly pressed the doorbell, hearing the chimes sound inside, waiting.  
Scuffling, a resounding clank, what sounded like two women yelling at each other and at least two cats meowing, floated to him through the wooden door before he saw the knob twist. It opened to reveal an exceptionally tall woman with a sculpted jaw, high, sharp cheekbones, and a small nose.   
“Can I help you?” She narrowed her dark blue eyes at him, and David couldn’t help but notice the shocking shade of her curvaceous pink lips, which didn’t seem to be adorned with any lipstick.   
“Yes, um…” David fumbled. “Hello Miss, my name is David Beauregard.” He extended a hand and she daintily gripped the top of it with three fingers and her thumb, pinky extended as she shook it quickly.  
“Hello, Mr. Beauregard,” she had possibly the strongest New England accent he ever encountered, and as she leaned against the doorway he found himself distracted by the long line of her body.   
David shifted his weight slightly. _Don’t let her throw you off your game_. “May I ask your name, Miss?”  
She bristled at him, narrowing her eyes further. He noticed the left one was slightly smaller and suppressed a grin at this adorable quirk. “My name is Miss Vivianne Van Kimpton,” she responded, lifting her regal chin and tossing back her wide shoulders.   
“Well, Miss Van Kimpton,” David began. “As I said, my name is David Beauregard, and I’m here today because I have an exciting opportunity for you.” Vivvy looked at him suspiciously, but didn’t slam the door in his face, so he continued, doing his best not to let his eyes trail down to her shapely thighs below the hem of her yellow-flowered jumper.  
“You seem like a well-educated woman of the world, are you not, Miss Van Kimpton?”  
Vivvy tossed her hand away to the side. “I assure you, I was taught at all the best schools, Mr. Beauregard.” The way she said his name, looking at him through her eyelashes and dropping her lower jaw, made him tingle.  
“I don’t doubt it, but I’m sure like many of us, you come across moments in your day when you simply can’t remember a piece of information,” David grinned and he saw her thaw a bit.  
“ _Vivvy, who is it_?!” Came a ragged voice from inside the house.   
“I’m talking to a gentleman at the door, be quiet!” Vivvy screamed over her shoulder, and while she was turned away David took her in. The yellow-flowered jumper was paired over a long-sleeved black shirt, her hair covered with a silver patterned scarf clipped in the back with a golden bow pin. Eyes drifting down to her legs, David swallowed at the sheer amount of bare flesh.   
“Ahem,” _Shit_. David was caught. Glancing up, Vivvy was smiling coyly. “You were saying, Mr. Beauregard?” She uncrossed her ankles, taking half a step to the side before recrossing them, almost as if she were daring him to look again.  
“Yes, yes, um…” he cleared his throat. “As I said, sometimes one simply can’t remember a piece of information, and at a time like that, it helps to have it ready and waiting right at your fingertips.” Pulling the book from under his arm, David presented it to her like a gift. “The _Encyclopedia Britannica_ Miss Van Kimpton. No household is complete without a set, and with a complete set, your household will never be the same,” he flashed a smile.  
Vivvy pursed her lips, reaching out and grabbing the tome with just the tips of her fingers. Flipping through it, she raised an eyebrow at him. “ _M_ ,” Somehow she put intense emphasis on that one letter, humming and popping her mouth as her fingers trailed over the pages. All the research said people found ‘M’ to be the most attractive volume, therefore every Britannica man lugged around one copy in his briefcase to show potential customers.  
Sighing, Vivvy handed the book back to him. “Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Beauregard, but we’re not interested.” She reached up to adjust her head covering, tugging it down at the sides, before recrossing her arms.  
“I completely understand why you might say that, Miss Van Kimpton, but I assure you, these texts are not only a necessary addition to a lovely household such as this,” David made a wide gesture to indicate the crumbling abode. “But they are also quite affordable. And a lovely lady such as yourself,” swallowing, David let his gaze slowly descend over her tall figure before flicking back up to those sapphire eyes, pleasantly rewarded by the slightest of hues flushing her cheeks. “Deserves the very best, don’t you think?”  
Eyes shifting from side to side, Vivvy uncrossed her arms, clasping them together at one hip. “I’m sorry, Mr Beauregard, we simply cannot purchase any encyclopedias, you see,” Vivvy lowered her voice conspiratorially, took half a step outside, pulling the door partially closed behind her. Having her so near made David itch. “Mother controls the checkbook,” she whispered. “So even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to buy anything.”   
Vivvy resumed her spot in the doorframe and David straightened his tie. “Well, perhaps,” he spoke softly. “I could come back tomorrow. Maybe you’d get a chance to discuss it with her,” David grinned suggestively. “And I’d get to see you again, Miss Van Kimpton.”  
Suppressing a smile, Vivvy reached up to pat the back of her head scarf. “Very well, Mr. Beauregard,” she shifted her weight to her other hip. “You’re a very persistent man, you know.”  
David met her eyes, staring intently. “You have no idea.” He saw a shiver run through her and grounded a smile. “Alright, I’ll return tomorrow. Good afternoon, Miss Van Kimpton.” With a dainty wave and a coy grin she bid him goodbye. David crawled into the car, heading back to the run-down motel, swelling with joy.  
***

The next morning David took particular care while shaving, applying a fresh coat of pomade to his hair and a splash of his signature bergamot aftershave. Frowning at his ancient brown suit, he decided the least he could do was polish his shoes, and as the fumes radiated through the tiny motel room, David found his mind wandering back to those creamy exposed thighs.  
Driving through town, a bright storefront caught his eye and he paused for a quick purchase before proceeding to the tumbledown mansion. After giving himself a once-over, David knocked smartly, one hand held behind his back.  
This time, however, the amount of screaming reverberating from inside was alarming. Catching a handful of words, David became aware of the fact that, according to Vivvy’s mother at least, his presence was not welcome. Still, after a couple of minutes, the door opened a sliver and Vivvy appeared.  
“Hello Mr. Beauregard,” she spoke in a rushed, low tone.  
“ _Vivvy! Make that man go away_!” A grating voice floated past them.  
Vivvy turned back, biting her lip before facing him. “I’m sorry, Mr. Beauregard, but I think you’d better go…” she began to close the door.  
“Wait!” David held out his hand, and extracting his arm from behind his back he presented her with a bouquet of fresh stargazer lilies.   
Vivvy’s mouth fell open and she stared silently while the screams of her mother echoed in the background. “Well,” she ticked her head to the side, reaching out to receive the flowers. “Aren’t these lovely?” Vivvy rubbed the tip of one of the petals between her thumb and forefinger. “Thank you, Mr. Beauregard.”  
David nodded. “You’re very welcome, Miss Van Kimpton.”  
“I’ll, um…” Vivvy clutched the bouquet to her chest. “I’ll just go put these in some water. Would you like something to drink, Mr. Beauregard? It’s quite warm out today.”   
He smiled. “Yes, that would be lovely, Miss Van Kimpton. Thank you very much.”   
Vivvy nodded, disappearing into the house. Hands in his pockets, David rocked back and forth nervously on his heels for a moment before she reappeared, clutching two tall glasses.   
“Here we are,” Vivvy handed him a glass of lemonade. Peeking her head out and looking around the yard, Vivvy drew her mouth to the side. “Why don’t we sit out of doors to get away from this unpleasantness?” She suggested, closing the door behind her and muffling her mother’s shouts.   
David followed, taking her in. Today Vivvy wore a black jumper over a long-sleeve black shirt. Her head scarf was red and blue, and she still sported the same gold pin. Taking timid steps in white heels across the grass, he couldn’t help but ogle those black nylon-encased legs that seemed carved from ivory.  
“Here we are,” Vivvy gestured to a rickety bench. David took a seat next to her and she crossed her legs, leaning forward and resting her elbow on her knee. Seeing Vivvy in profile, David ached to reach out and run a finger over her jaw, the long line of her neck; but he shook himself and did his best not to stare.  
“I’m sorry about all this, Mr. Beauregard,” Vivvy shook her head, tipping back her lemonade. “You see what I have to deal with? My mother can be incredibly difficult.” Vivvy rolled her eyes and her foot jiggled in the bright white heel.  
David nodded. “I understand, Miss Van Kimpton. No need to apologize.” He took a sip of the lemonade and found it sickeningly sweet. Not wanting to offend, he did his best to choke it down.  
“So,” Vivvy turned to him. “An encyclopedia salesman? That must make for an interesting life, I imagine,” She glanced from his face to his suitcase.  
“Yes, I’ve met some pretty fascinating people,” David swallowed another gritty mouthful of lemonade. “For instance, one man had at least 30 parrots in his house, all of them said different things. Some of which were not appropriate for a lady’s ears,” he grinned at her.  
“Oh really? Like what?” Vivvy leaned in like a little girl at a sleepover about to hear a secret.   
David waved a hand away. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to scandalize you, Miss Van Kimpton.”  
Sitting up straight, Vivvy tipped her chin down and pursed her lips. “You said yourself, I am a ‘woman of the world,’ Mr. Beauregard. I believe I can handle it.” She shook out her head scarf slightly in indignation.  
“Very well, um…” David rubbed his chin. “Well, there was this large macaw that sat right next to my shoulder,” he gestured to an invisible bird. “And all he said, over and over the whole time I was there was…” David lowered his voice to a whisper, leaning close to Vivvy’s face. “ _Fuck me_.”  
Vivvy pulled back, placing her fingers on her lips, eyes wide. “Why, Mr. Beauregard!” She gasped, before breaking into melodic giggles. “I hate to imagine how he learned such a thing!” Her laughter was something to behold. Claiming her whole body, she doubled over in mirth and David would have challenged anyone in her vicinity not to at least smirk in response to its contagious nature.  
Chuckling, David nodded. “Agreed. The owner never acknowledged it though. Just went right on chatting with me like there wasn’t a filthy-mouthed bird screeching next to my head.”  
She smiled. “But you enjoy it? Selling encyclopedias?”  
David lifted a hand and rocked it from side to side. “I mean, it has its ups and downs. I get to see a lot of the country. Don’t have to be tied down,” he tilted his head. “But it can get lonely sometimes.”  
“Lonely?” Vivvy blinked at him. “So there isn’t a Mrs. Beauregard waiting for you back home?”  
David shook his head. “Nope. Never met the right gal. Not many woman can handle a man on the road at least eight months out of the year.”   
Surveying him, Vivvy nodded, picking off some dandelion fluff that landed on her jumper. “Oh, that’s terrible. I’m sorry, Mr. Beauregard.”  
He watched her for a moment, admiring how comfortable she seemed in her skin as she sat casually on the bench. “Perhaps you would assist me, Miss Van Kimpton. Allow me to take you to dinner tonight?”  
Raising her eyebrows, Vivvy sat up straight, turning her head away and smiling for a moment before responding. “I…I suppose that would be acceptable, Mr Beauregard.” She adjusted her head scarf and pouted her lips slightly. “What time should I expect you to come calling?”  
“Shall we say?” David shook out his arm, looking at his watch. “Seven o’clock?”  
Vivvy nodded demurely. “Very well, Mr. Beauregard.”  
They walked back to the doorway and David shifted his weight. “Well, I’ll be back to pick you up then.”  
Vivvy smiled, hands crossed in front of her and doing the slightest of twists from side to side. “Very good, Mr. Beauregard. I look forward to it.”  
“Goodbye, Miss Van Kimpton,” David reached forward and gently gripped her elbow with his fingertips, noticing that her eyes widened and her nose flared in response to his touch.  
“Goodbye, Mr. Beauregard,“ Vivvy’s voice slithered out. Turning to leave, David hopped back in the car, cranking the radio and singing along in boisterous good humor as he made his way back to the motel.  
***

David asked the exhausted front desk clerk for a restaurant recommendation in town. “Something upscale,” he insisted. “Classy.” The young man rubbed his face and mentioned a nearby steakhouse. As it wasn’t a particularly large town, David suspected it was the only option, and so he went back to his room, flipped open the Yellow Pages, and made a reservation.  
Desperately wishing he had a second, nicer suit, David settled for showering and a fresh shirt before starting up the car. He considered whether or not he should get her more flowers, but decided that was overkill, and arrived at the monstrous home at five to seven.   
Knocking, David found himself waiting longer than usual for her radiant face to appear in the doorway.  
“Hello, Mr. Beauregard,” Vivvy rushed to pull the door shut, her mother’s warbling cries warning her away from him piercing his ears. “Good to see you again.”  
“You too, Miss Van Kimpton. You look lovely.” Vivvy wore a long-sleeved red dress that hung just below the knee with the slightest of slits up one thigh. Her head scarf looked to be made of black silk and was, of course, held together with her signature gold bow pin.   
David extended a crooked arm to her and with a smile she took it, holding onto him gently as they descended the stairs and made their way to the car, taking small steps in her white heels. Circling around, David held the door open for her and she slid into the wide front seat.  
Turning on the radio, David noticed Vivvy humming along, mostly on key, her fingers playing with the wind stream as they sped to the restaurant. Pulling into the parking lot, he jogged around the car to open Vivvy’s door, offering his hand to help her out, which she gratefully accepted.  
“Two for Beauregard?” He said to the short, pasty maitre 'd, who scanned a finger down the book in front of him before raising his eyebrows.  
“Ah, very good, sir. Follow me, please.” He turned and led them with brisk steps to an intimate round table in the corner of the restaurant, a small candle in cut glass illuminating the center. David gestured for Vivvy to enter first, and he followed, their fingers brushing for the briefest of seconds as he adjusted himself in the seat.  
“So,” David opened the menu, perusing its contents. His breath caught at some of the prices, but he pushed away the concern. _She’s worth it_. “Have you always lived here?”   
Vivvy shook her head. “No, actually,” she took a sip of water. “I lived in New York for a time. I was a dancer. Until I had to come home to take care of mother, that is.” A heaviness crossed her face and the urge to reach out and comfort her was nearly overwhelming.  
“Really? A dancer?”   
Brightening, Vivvy nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, I was a chorus girl,” her fingers laid flat the hem of her head scarf. “And I danced in many a production. Though apparently some directors found me _difficult_ ,” rolling her eyes, Vivvy looked over the menu briefly and set it down, apparently having made her selection.  
“Oh, I can’t imagine why,” David smiled, and taking a chance he crept his hand forward and laid it on top of her own. Flicking her eyes down, Vivvy grinned, turning over to interlace their fingers.  
“You know, I’ve had many suitors, Mr. Beauregard,” she folded her lips. “But you may be, perhaps, the most charming.” Joining his gaze, the air crackled between them and blood rushed to Vivvy’s cheeks as David rubbed minuscule circles against her skin.  
Just then the waiter arrived to take their order. Handing him the menus, David turned back to Vivvy. They spent the meal discussing her time in New York, his extensive travels around the country, and her various aspirations for fame. David found it pleasant listening to her. Spending his days speaking to people, often ones who stood like brick walls waiting for him to go away, it was refreshing to let her rattle on and get lost in the shape of her beautiful lips.  
Finishing up, David paid and when they stood to leave he rested a hand at the small of her back, Vivvy smiling shyly as he directed her back to the car.   
“So,” The sun was getting low as David turned the ignition. “Do you need to get back right away? Or may I show you something?”  
Vivvy raised an eyebrow. “Show me something? Show me what?”  
David smiled. “It’s a surprise.”  
“Well, alright then. Lead the way, Mr. Beauregard.” Vivvy blinked at him coquettishly and he drove on.   
Going a couple of miles out of town, he turned off the main stretch onto a dirt road and Vivvy looked around confused.  
“Close your eyes,” David said. Vivvy looked at him suspiciously. “Just trust me.” Narrowing her eyes for a moment, she lifted her hands to cover them and he continued for a bit, rolling to a crunchy stop and sliding into park.  
“There,” he declared. “Open them.”  
Vivvy gasped. They were overlooking the harbor, parked high above, with tall trees bedecked in the butter yellows, rusts, and apple reds of early fall looming on either side, leaves trickling down with each gust of wind.  
“ _Wow_ ,” she breathed. “I can’t believe I’ve been here all my life and…” Vivvy shook her head. “How have I never been here?”  
Reaching forth to trail his fingers over hers, David murmured, “Sometimes we’re not introduced to things until we’re ready to see them.”  
Vivvy looked down, playing with his fingers. “Mr. Beauregard…I do believe you are trying to get fresh with me…” she chewed on the inside of her lip.  
Running his hand up to caress her wrist, David smiled. “Would that be the worst thing, Miss Van Kimpton?” He leaned in to her.  
“N-no, Mr. Beauregard. It wouldn’t,” Vivvy’s sapphire eyes joined his.  
“Call me David.”  
“ _David_.”  
Leaning in, David cupped her sharp jaw, face inches from her own. “Miss Van Kimpton?” He exhaled against her. “May I kiss you?” She nodded, laying her hand over his own.  
Brushing those soft pink lips with his was exquisite. David heard the lightest of sounds radiate up from her chest as he gathered her into himself, wrapping one arm around Vivvy's back and holding tight as he gently parted his lips, teasing into her timid mouth to dance with her tongue. Separating, Vivvy’s eyes stayed closed for a second before fluttering open.   
“You’re so beautiful, you know that, Miss Van Kimpton?” David ran his thumb across her prominent cheekbone lovingly.  
She swallowed, carding her fingers through David’s light brown hair. “It’s Vivvy. Vivvy.”  
“Mmmm…” David nuzzled into her neck. “ _Vivvy_ …” Catching her mouth again, their hands roamed, exploring one another’s bodies as their heads tipped from side to side to deepen the kiss. Breath speeding up, Vivvy pushed his jacket from his shoulders and he parted from her for a moment to tug his arms free from the sleeves and toss it in the back seat. Flying together again, they tore at each other, Vivvy hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt to play with his chest hair while he kneaded the flesh of her ass. When he began to slide a hand up her chiseled thigh he was rewarded with a mewl against his mouth that made his cock twitch beneath the wool of his trousers.   
Moving his hand higher, Vivvy stopped him. “David, wait,” she rubbed her swollen lips together. “I don’t know if…I mean, you know that I’m…”  
David nodded. “Yeah, I know. You’re beautiful,” he smiled, and she reached up to hold his face. “Do you want me to touch you?”  
She let out a shuddering breath. “Yes, just, um…let me show you how I like it…”  
“Okay,” David nodded and Vivvy leaned back, lifting up her skirt and raising her legs in the air so he could help her peel off her black panties, which joined his jacket in the backseat.   
Taking his hand in hers, Vivvy wrapped his fingers around her length, and looking between them she demonstrated first, not tugging like one might expect but just teasing and rubbing the head with the ball of her thumb and fingertips.   
“Just….just like this, alright?” She breathed.  
Copying her movements, David leaned in, brushing his lips along the sensitive skin behind her ear. “Like that?”   
“Yes,” Vivvy let out in a hiss. Stopping to lick his fingertips, David resumed, fondling her while nibbling her neck, then drawing her once again into an inflamed kiss. Vivvy’s hand found its way between David’s legs and he was painfully erect when she first grazed his cock, causing him to nearly yelp into her mouth. Licking her palm, Vivvy worked him expertly, twisting her wrist with every upstroke until David was inching his hips toward the tight circle of her fist.   
“David, _David_ ,” Vivvy whined. “I _need_ you. Make _love_ to me, David. _Make love to me_.”  
Their eyes met, heavy with lust, and he nodded, grabbing her by the hips and encouraging her to straddle him as he slid to the middle of the car seat. Spitting into his hand, David moistened his cock, then did the same to her entrance, massaging it gently before sliding in two fingers and curling them upward. Vivvy’s head fell back and she let out a high gasp, her knees buckling slightly as David pulsed inside of her, flicking forward until she was shoving her heels into the leather of the seat to fuck herself on his fingers, moaning shamelessly.  
“ _David, David, I need you inside me_ ,” Vivvy begged. Withdrawing his hand, David wet them with more saliva and used one hand to position her hips, the other guiding his erection. Feeling the head of his cock against her, Vivvy closed her eyes and slowly sank down, a high, keening moan escaping her. Holding still as she acclimated to the sensation of being filled with his passion, David replaced his hand, teasing the tip of her length as Vivvy began to rise and fall with aching leisure.  
The pressure of Vivvy’s body around his cock was divine, and as David began to swivel inside of her the look on her face was almost enough to push him over the edge. Head tossed back, pink lips hanging open, a whimper escaping with every time he hit her prostate, eyes scrunched tight. Vivvy’s hands gripped the dash as she rocked, the sensation of David’s calloused fingers on her flesh electrifying. Feet digging into the floor for traction, David pounded into her, sheathing himself ever-further in her eager body. Bouncing on his cock in a frenzy, Vivvy could feel the throbbing starting deep inside, laying back against the dash and writhing helplessly as an orgasm erupted through her, the shape of David’s name soundless on her lips.  
The constriction of Vivvy around his cock was too much, and with a cry David came, hips jerking forward as he curled over, face buried against her pillowy abdomen. Breathing hard, they held one another close as they came down, Vivvy drawing shapes in his hair before climbing off, retrieving her panties from the backseat.   
Taking her face in both hands, David kissed her, weaving their mouths together and smiling against Vivvy's lips. Night fell and a few fireflies circled the car as the salty sea air swirled around them.  
“Well, Mr. Beauregard,” Vivvy teased. “You certainly know how to show a girl a good time.” She smoothed over her dress, redoing the pin of her head scarf that came loose in their fervor.  
David chuckled. “Right back at you, Miss Van Kimpton.” He fired up the car, reversing out of the clearing and making his way back to the main road. Crickets sounded as the wheels came to a stop before the Van Kimpton mansion. They meandered hand in hand to the door, silent but comfortable. Reaching the top step, Vivvy turned and wrapped her arms around his neck.   
“Well, Mr. Beauregard, it’s been a pleasure,” Vivvy smiled.  
David encircled her waist, swaying them slightly. “The pleasure, Miss Van Kimpton, was all mine.” Leaning in for one final kiss, David drank her in; her taste, her smell, the feel of her fingertips as Vivvy combed the tendrils of hair at the base of his neck. Parting, David touched Vivvy's face one more time, passing his thumb over those perfect pink lips, not saying goodbye, before turning and walking away.  
  
  


  
  
  
  



End file.
